


Someone You Loved

by Alec_Trevelyan_006



Category: GoldenEye (1995), James Bond (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:14:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29187630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alec_Trevelyan_006/pseuds/Alec_Trevelyan_006
Summary: GoldenEye Fan fiction.  What if the events of GoldenEye didn't happen as they did in the movie?What would happen if Alec never became Janus?  Find out this and more in this story.
Relationships: Alec Trevelyan & Original Female Character(s), James Bond & Alec Trevelyan





	1. And The Day Bleeds Into Nightfall

**Author's Note:**

> Author's note: I do not own James Bond or any of the characters from the Bond universe, they belong to their respective owners. I only own my original characters. The story and ideas in it also belong to me.

**Chapter 1: And The Day Bleeds Into Nightfall**

_'For now the day bleeds into nightfall, and you're not here to get me through it all.'-Someone You Loved-Lewis Capaldi_

“James!” I scream.

I get no answer except the sound of quiet laughter coming from somewhere outside my cell. As far as I know, I’ve spent the last six months since the incident at Arkangel stuck in this cell. I’ve lost count of the time I’ve spent here. My only company are the guards that sometimes come by. I can only hope that James comes back for me.

 _‘Listen to that fool calling out for his so called friend.’_ Some guard whispers in Russian.

 _‘James is my friend.’_ I think.

I sit up and let out a long sigh. I wrap my arms around my legs and rest my head on my knees. My mind races with the thoughts of what could be keeping James from coming for me. I have to hold out hope that he’s coming or I’ll go crazy.

_‘You said you’d come back for me.’_

The door to my cell opens and someone walks in. I don’t look up because I know it’s not James.

“What am I going to do with you 006.” Ourumov asks.

“I don’t know, and I don’t really care.” I say.

“You know you’ve caused a lot of trouble, don’t you?”

“So what if I did.”

Ourumov walks closer to me and yanks me to my feet.

“I should kill you for all the trouble you caused.” Ourumov says.

“Go ahead and kill me, I don’t really care.”

“Killing you won’t solve anything.”

“What do you mean by that?” I ask puzzled.

“I need you alive to carry out my plan.”

“What plan?”

“You are going to become the head of a new arms syndicate called the Janus group.”

I let out a laugh at that.

“You think that’s funny?” Ourumov asks offended.

“I think it’s funny that you think I’m going to help you.” I say.

“You’re going to help me, or I will kill you.” Ourumov says.

“Go on and kill me then. I’m not helping you.”

Ourumov says nothing and puts his hands around my throat. Spots start swimming in front of my vision as he chokes me. I start gasping for breath. Suddenly, Ourumov stops choking me. I sink to my knees taking deep shuddering breaths.

“I’ve decided to let you live.”

“Lovely.” I gasp.

“Since you won’t help me, I’m going to let you rot here for the rest of your sorry life.”

I say nothing and Ourumov leaves the cell shutting the door behind him. I get to my feet and start pacing around the cell. My pacing soon bores me and I walk over to the window. I look out the window and watch the sun setting.

 _‘For now the day bleeds into night fall and you’re not here to get me through it all.’_ I think.

I watch the sun sink and all my hopes that James will come for me start to sink with it. I can only pray that I can somehow escape this madness. I head back to the bed and sit down. Laying down on my back, I stare at the ceiling. I have to figure out a way out. My days turn into weeks, the weeks turn into months, and the months fade into years.

With the time that passes, I start to lose all hope that James will find me. I can only hope that when and if he does find me, I’m completely sane.


	2. I Guess I Kind Of Liked The Way You Numbed All The Pain

**Chapter 2: I Guess I Kind Of Liked The Way You Numbed All The Pain**

_'I guess I kind of liked the way you numbed all the pain.'-Someone You Loved-Lewis Capaldi_

Nine years after the incident at Arkangel, I’m still stuck in a cell. I’ve had no human contact since the day after Ourumov nearly killed me. The guards brought me some supplies, and then left me alone. The only person I’ve had contact with, if you can call it that, is the person who brings me my meals. I’ve been without human contact for so long that I’ve stopped talking.

I’ve become mute due to the fact that I’ve had no one. Right now, I don’t even know if I can talk. I’m pacing around my cell when I hear yelling. A few guards run by, but none of them stop to tell me what’s going on. Soon the door to my cell flies open and some people holding guns walk in.

One of them points their gun at me. I swallow hard and wonder if I’m going to be killed.

“Get on your knees.” He says.

I stare at him and wonder if he’s serious. He motions for one of the other men. They walk over to him and start talking in whispers. I know they’re talking about me. The other man walks over to me and sticks his pistol to the back of my head.

“Are you deaf as well as stupid? I said get on your knees.” The first man says.

I wrinkle my nose and do what he says. No use in getting killed now. The second man puts handcuffs on my wrists and pulls me to my feet. He leads me down the maze of halls and outside. Once outside, I take a deep breath.

It’s my first breath of fresh air in nine long years. A truck pulls up and stops in front of me. The back opens and some more men get out. The man who led me outside picks me up and throws me in the back of the truck. The truck drives off.

After a couple hours the truck stops. I’m pulled from the back and lead into a building. This building looks much like the prison I just came from. I’m led inside and to a small room with a table and a few chairs. The men from earlier come in and motion for me to take a seat.

I sit down on one of the chairs and let out a long sigh. The first man sizes me up and I can tell things might not end well. I begin to wonder if I can fight them off and for how long. Another long sigh escapes my lips.

“Tell us what you know about the Janus group.” The first man says.

I say nothing and stare at him like he’s stupid. He walks over to me and backhands me across the face. A small grunt of pain escapes my lips. Apparently this angers the man and he hits me again. I feel my lower lip split when he hits me.

My silence continues to anger this man. He strikes me again and I fall off the chair. Once I’m on the floor the men start kicking me. They kick my head and that knocks me out. When I come to, I find myself in a white room.

The room is bright compared to the dark and musty prison cell I’ve spent the last nine years in. I hear a knock on the door. The door opens and a woman walks in. She gives me a small smile, and I can’t help but smile back. This unknown woman is the first person to show me kindness.

“My name’s M.” The woman says.

I let out a long sigh and say nothing.

“Can you not speak?” M asks.

I give a shake of my head as an answer.

“This might be difficult.” M says.

 _‘You think.’_ I think.

M sighs and leaves the room. She comes back a few minutes later with some paper and a couple pens.

“This might help.”

She hands me the paper and pens and I take them from her. I set them on the table by the bed and start writing as M sits on the be next to me.

 _‘My name’s Alec Trevelyan.’_ I write.

“Your file says you were killed nine years ago during the mission at Arkangel.”

_‘Nearly killed. Ourumov’s men took me hostage.’_

“I see. What exactly happened?” M asks.

_‘I couldn’t really tell you. I’m not that sure myself.’_

“Alec, that’s not what I mean.” M says.

_‘What do you mean then?’_

“I want you to tell me how you got captured.”

I let out a long sigh at that. I hate thinking about how I got myself captured. I was foolish for letting it happen.

_‘I ended up getting captured because I let my concentration lapse. I was so focused on clearing a way out that I stupidly forgot to check the rest of my surroundings. A guard grabbed me from behind and dragged me to the center of the room. I knew he wasn’t messing around when he put his gun to the back of my head.’_

“Oh my.”

I let out a long sigh and hang my head. I was stupid for not checking my surroundings. My lapse in concentration nearly cost me my life. I sigh again. M places a hand on my shoulder.

“Alec, I’m sorry that happened to you.”

_‘Sure.’_

“Don’t beat yourself up over something that happened nine years ago.”

_‘It’s hard not to do that.’_

“You sound like James.”

_‘James has always been like that.’_

“From what I understand, he was worse after you were ‘killed’.”

I let out a snort of amusement. James was always hard on himself if and when things went wrong. I suppose me getting ‘killed’ would have pushed him over the edge. The fact that he thought I was dead might be why he never came back for me.

 _‘James, I’m sorry.’_ I think.

“Sorry to interrupt your thoughts, but I need to know what happened the other day.”

 _‘I guess the fact that I can’t/wouldn’t talk made those men mad.’_ I write.

“Those men are being dealt with.”

_‘I guess that’s good.’_

“So, can you really not talk?” M asks.

_‘I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to anyone in nine years.’_

“Why is that?”

_‘After Ourumov tried to kill me, I had no human contact. I think they were trying to break me.’_

“Why did Ourumov try to kill you?”

_‘He was upset because I wouldn’t agree to be part of his plan.’_

“What plan?”

_‘He wanted me to be the head of the Janus group.’_

“I see.” M says.

She lets out a long sigh. I let out my own long sigh. How I wish I could tell her in my own words what really happened over the last nine years. The thing is, I don’t know if I could speak even if I wanted to.

“I think I have a way to get you to talk.”

I raise one eyebrow and look at M puzzled. M stands up and walks out of the room. A few minutes later she returns with the one person I never thought I’d see again. James is trailing behind M.

“What’s the meaning of this M?” James asks.

“You’ll see in a second.” M says.

They walk into the room and I see James’ eyes go wide. He looks like he’s just seen a ghost. I give him a small smile and a wave to show him I’m real.

“You can’t be alive. I saw Ourumov shoot you.” James says.

I say nothing and shrug my shoulders.

“What’s wrong with him?” James asks.

“He’s had no human contact for the last nine years. He’s mute because of that.”

“Oh God.” James says.

“I’ll leave you two alone.”

M walks out of the room and James stares at me. I wave him over, but he doesn’t move.

“Say something Alec. I need to know it’s really you.”

I let out a frustrated huff in response. How the hell am I supposed to say anything to him? Doesn’t he realize that I might not even be able to talk? James looks at me like he’s waiting for me to say something. I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out.

I let out a long sigh and try again. I try to speak again. The only sound that comes out is a strangled grunt. James still stares at me. I sigh again. Once more, I try to speak. This time some words come out.

“For England James.” I rasp.

My voice is raspy from disuse, but it’s still me.

“My God it is you.” James says shocked.

I just give a nod of my head as a response. James walks over to the chair by the bed and sits down. He takes my hand in his and I feel myself start to relax.

“What happened nine years ago?” James asks.

“A momentary lapse in concentration got me captured.”

“That’s not like you.” James says.

“I was so focused on getting out that I forgot to check the rest of my surroundings.”

“I think we both let our guard down.”

“It doesn’t matter now. What’s done is done.”

“I see.”

I say nothing. I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me I should have stayed quiet. That’s the one thing that never failed me over the past nine years. My instinct to know when something bad was going to happen never let me down.

“There’s something I need to tell you Alec.”

“What is it?” I ask.

“I found out some things about you and I want to know if they’re true.”

“What kind of things?”

“M gave me your personnel file, and there were some very interesting things in it. Namely the fact that your parents were Lienz Cossacks.”

“They were.” I quietly say.

“And MI-6 knew this?” James asks.

“They did. MI-6 payed for my education and let me work for them in the hopes that I was too young to remember what happened to my parents.” I say.

“Do you remember what happened to them?”

“My parents survived the British betrayal and execution by Stalin. They came to England and settled down. About three years after they came to England I was born. Over the next couple years, my dad started to go crazy. By the time I was three he had completely snapped. One day my mum had put me down for a nap, and never came to wake me up. My father had killed her, and then killed himself. I guess when the cops came I was screaming for my mum. And that’s all I know.”

“I see.”

“I take it there’s more you’re not telling me.”

“There is.”

“So, what is it?” I ask.

“I found out the real reason we were sent on the mission to Arkangel.”

“What was the reason?”

“They thought you were going to defect, so we were sent there so I could report back to MI-6 if you did.”

I say nothing and look at James shocked.

“Why would they even think that?”

James gives a shrug of his shoulders as an answer.

“Unbelievable.” I mumble.

“Were you going to do that?” James asks.

“The thought never crossed my mind.” I say.

“So you getting captured by Ourumov wasn’t part of some kind of plan?”

“James, you saw me supposedly shot and killed. Do you think that if I was going to defect, I’d go that far?” I ask.

“Maybe.” James says.

“If the thought of defecting had crossed my mind, I sure as hell wouldn’t have gone that far. I would have gone on some solo mission and never come back.” I say.

“I think I’ve heard enough.” M says.

I never even saw her come back into the room.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“I’ve heard all I need to.”

M makes a motion with her hand and some men come into the room.

“What’s going on here?”

“Alec, I’m sorry, but I have to arrest you.”

“Arrest me for what?” I ask panicking.

“M do you really have to do this?” James asks.

“I’m sorry James, it has to be done.”

“What are you arresting me for?”

“You’re under arrest for betraying England.”

My heart sinks into my stomach and my vision starts to swim. I feel like I’m about to be sick. I close my eyes for just a second. That second is enough to send me into unconsciousness.


	3. And Then You Pulled The Rug

**Chapter 3: And Then You Pulled The Rug**

_'I let my guard down, and then you pulled the rug.'-Someone You Loved-Lewis Capaldi_

When I come to, I find myself in a prison cell. This cell is like the one I was in before. Dark, musty and cramped. Now I really know I should have stayed quiet.

 _‘MI-6 didn’t waste any time locking me up.’_ I think.

I sit up and that’s when I notice chains around my wrists and ankles. I wrinkle my nose at that. They have me chained up like I’m some kind of animal. I let out a long sigh and pull my legs closer to my chest. I wrap my arms around my legs and rest my head on my knees.

 _‘What did I do to deserve this?’_ I think.

I’ve done nothing wrong. I don’t deserve this kind of treatment. The door to my cell opens, but I don’t look up. All I can do is cry. My body shakes with every sob I let out.

“What’s wrong Alec?” M asks.

“You did the one thing Ourumov could never do to me.” I sob.

“What are you talking about?” M asks puzzled.

“You broke me.”

“Broke you?”

I nod my head to answer her.

“How did we break you?” M asks.

“You have me chained up like an animal.” I sob.

“I’m sorry, but we had to do that.” M says.

“Why? Why did you ‘have’ to do that?” I ask sobbing.

“We did it so you wouldn’t escape.”

“Like I’m really going to escape? I have nowhere to go!” I scream.

“Alec, please calm down.”

“Why should I calm down? Give me one good reason to!”

“I need you to calm down, or you’re not going to like the consequences.”

“You’re threatening me now?” I ask with my voice shaking with rage.

“If you want to call it that.”

 _‘Unreal.’_ I think.

I let out a long shuddering sigh to try and calm myself. I can’t continue to let my situation get to me.

“What do you want with me?” I quietly ask.

“The truth would be nice.”

“What truth? Mine or yours?”

M lets out a long sigh in response to that.

“I want to know what you know.”

“I’m afraid I don’t know much.” I say.

“You have to know something.”

“I know you know about my parents, so what else is there to really know?” I ask.

“Were you planning to betray England?” M asks.

“That thought never crossed my mind. I wouldn’t have had anything to gain by doing something so stupid.” I say.

“That’s not what I heard.” M says.

“What did you hear?” I ask.

“I heard you made a deal with Ourumov. I understand he was going to pay you for defecting. If you worked for him everything your parents did would be forgotten about.”

I let out a snort at that. All the money in the world wouldn’t have gotten me to defect.

“I take that as a no.”

“More like a hell no.” I say.

“I see.”

“I got captured, plain and simple.”

“I want to know how that happened.”

“I told you. It was a lapse in concentration.”

“From what I understand, you of all people would never let your concentration lapse.”

“I had a fight with my wife a couple weeks before I went to Arkangel. We ended up getting separated, and I guess my mind was on that fight and our separation before I got caught.”

“I see.”

“Ourumov knew what he was doing. He knew I had no one. That’s why he captured me. He knew nobody would report me missing.”

“Alec, I’m sorry.”

“I’m guessing that because James saw me killed is why he didn’t come back for me.”

“What do you mean by that?” M asks.

“James and I always said that if one of us somehow didn’t make it out, we’d go back for the body so that there could be a proper burial.”

“James said he went back, but there was no body. He thought Ourumov’s men had gotten rid of your body. Little did he know you were still alive.” M says.

“If he had known, would he really have come back for me?” I ask.

“You were close to James, what do you think?” M asks.

“He might have come back for me, but I can’t really be sure.” I say.

“Not to change the subject, but I have to ask about your scars.” M says.

I let out a long sigh at that. My scars are not something I really want to talk about.

“What about them?” I ask.

“How did you get them?” M asks.

“They came from the Arkangel explosion.” I quietly say.

“And the ones on your arms?”

“I did that to myself.”

“You got into self-harm?”

I let out a long sigh and nod my head. Cutting myself was the only way I really felt like I had some control over my situation. I felt like I had no other choice. I needed that control over my life. M clears her throat to get my attention.

“I think we’re done here.” I say.

“I’m not done questioning you.” M says.

“Well, I’m done. I feel tired.”

“Very well. We’ll continue this tomorrow.”

M leaves my cell. I’m left alone with my thoughts. How I wish I could turn back time and not get myself caught by Ourumov. If that hadn’t happened, would things really be that different? I guess I’ll never know.

I get up off the bed and walk over to the small sink in the cell. Above the sink there’s a small mirror. I let out a long sigh and look at myself in the mirror. The face staring back at me, doesn’t look like me at all. My eyes are sunken in and my skin is pale from not seeing the sun in nine years.

I let out a long sigh and ball my hands into fists. I slam my fist into the mirror and watch as it shatters. My hand is bloody, but I don’t really care. I grab a piece of the glass and look at it. This voice in my head starts saying I should end it all.

Maybe that voice is right. Maybe I should kill myself. A frustrated sigh escapes my lips as I debate on what I should do. Finally, I make up my mind. I decide to end it all.


End file.
